Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Love, Single, Humor, funny, laugh, Crazy, Blog, Jane, column, permanent third wheel, happiness
Before I dive in to my column, let me tell you a little story.
It’s a story about a girl who almost died yesterday.
(That girl is me)
So, yesterday as I was walking to class at 8:45 I looked up to see a car flying down the hill in front of me, then I watched it not quite make the turn around the corner. Then I watched it come up onto the sidewalk and hit a stop sign three feet in front of me.
I ran like hell. That’s right, I practically dived out of the way of the car and luckily was unscathed.
The car was not so lucky. It ended up with a cracked windshield. The guy inside was drunk.
Idiot.
One good thing did come out of this entire ordeal, I still made it to class in time, and had a good anecdotal lede to suggest. (I don’t think Mark Tatge was impressed).
What I looked like jumping out of the way
ANYHOO on to my column:
If you are feeling ambitious (or just really freaking bored) you can read the full column here. (My picture is now on the web site. Please disregard the fact that I look hideoussss)
If not, just watch the video. It’s more realistic about why I am single anyway.
<3 CHEERS and keep blabbing beeetch.
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Baking, Blog, Brownies, Chocolate, Gym, Humor, laugh, Love, workout
Today was the type of day where every object looks like a violent weapon that I wish I could use.
That nice pen over there? (Well that’s just an instrument to draw mean things all over an enemies skin while they nap.)
Why how big that computer is! (The better to beat you with.)
Notice that piece of paper. (Hold out your arm and I will give you a multitude of paper cuts!)
Call me crazy, call me violent, but these things did in fact run through my mind today.
I realize now that part of my new found violent streak might have been (at least in part) due to a lack of food intake today. It took me all the way until 4:30 to discover that I had nothing to eat that day except one inch of brownie.
“One inch of brownie,” you ask. “How would you manage to only eat one inch of brownie?”
Good question. To begin my wonderful day today I realized that I needed to package 2 dozen brownies into separate plastic bags and take them to a bake sale so everyone else could pay to enjoy the chocolate that I spent time to bake.
Because of my sadness that I would not get to enjoy the brownies I dedicated so much effort to making I allowed myself a little treat. A inch of chocolate goodness.
Good thing that I did too because if I hadn’t had that small bite I would have been running on empty until 4:30.
I can tell you are still hung up on my assertion that I spent “so much effort” making two measly batches of brownies. They are just brownies after all, right? WRONG.
Last night upon leaving bootcamp (AKA hell in a workout. Example: My butt feels as if it is made of jelly today) I realized I had forgotten I needed to make brownies for the bake sale. Luckily for me, my dear roommate and friend Meghan was willing to drive me to CVS.
((Yes, we drive to the gym because heaven forbid we get exercise on the way to the gym.))
We arrive at CVS, she stops the car, turns on the emergency lights since there were no parking spots and I sprint into the store. I locate my brownie mix then spend 20 minutes trying to find plastic bags. Eventually I ask the mean CVS woman and she points me in the wrong direction. I bite my thumb at her when she is not looking.
Finally as I am about to leave I realize I am in need of eggs. Again I can’t find them. I ask mean CVS lady again.
“We’re out,” she says.
I bite my thumb at her again, this time she is looking at me, but I don’t think she gets that it is an insult equal to that of flipping her the bird.
I check out then go outside to inform Meghan she will have to take me to another store. She drives me to Union St. Market where I am forced to spend 3 dollars on eggs. I leave the store, with eggs that should be golden like the ones in Willy Wonka considering how much I spent on them and attempt to cross the street to get into Meghans car.
I almost get hit by the car and have a long scale dream sequence where not my life, but the life of my brownies flashes before my eyes as I imagine my 3 dollar carton of eggs splatting all over the street.
I made it home.
Barely.
But as you can see, those brownies definitely weren’t easy to make.
I am going to go collapse now.
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Love, Humor, Michael Stagliano, Seejaneblab, TV, laugh, Humor Blog, Blog, The Bachelor, Jake, romance, Gia, Vienna, Ali, On the Wings of Love, series, television
There is just something that rubs me the wrong way about The Bachelor this season. I can’t exactly place my finger on it, but it just seems like everything Jake says is fake. Perhaps it is the cardboard like quality of his body movements, or the way he says the exact same phrases to all of the girls.
“You look gorgeous tonight.”
“I’m falling for you.”
“Damn look at that BOOTIE.”
(OK so maybe I threw in that last one)
I don’t know about the girls on the show, but I think I would feel like I was being played by him the entire time. All those syrupy smiles, and uncomfortable hugs literally make me want to scream at the TV. I mean who picked this guy anyway?
Oh that’s right “American did.” (Or so you say ABC. Personally I was hoping for a little Michael Stagliano)
(Does anyone else remember him. He was the hilarious break dancer who in the end, Jillian thought was just a smidgen too young.)
Really though, I might just dislike Jake because I have never been the type of girl who wants to be fed lines. I prefer the awkward little remarks that are compliments only because of the way they are said.
“Your hair always sticks out on one side.”
“You are so clumsy.”
“Your laugh is hilarious.”
Things that are specific to one person, things that make that person unique. Those are the compliments that really get to me.
That being said, I kind of hope that he picks Ali.
I mean sure, her favorite past-time is complaining about Vienna and pouting like a five-year-old but I kind of like that about her. She isn’t really afraid to tell the truth and I think she would definitely see through Jake’s bullcrap. (Which I suspect he might be 25 % full of).
Tenley is also sweet, but I really think that Jake just isn’t good for her. She needs someone a little more sincere than good old Jakie.
As for Gia I don’t even know what she is doing on the show, she is kind of just floating in the background to me, the gorgeous girl who has a strange accent. Whatever though, I am at least glad she is holding up the fort for the brunettes of the world.
And Vienna… is Vienna.
(Is Vienna.)
I actually clicked onto the application form for The Bachelor today. I then scrolled down to the part where it asked for your height and weight and decided that I wasn’t going to subject myself to a beauty contest, especially since I know I wouldn’t win, considering how pretty all those girls are.
It would be just my life though that the only way I will ever find love is on National TV though.
I already am embarrassing myself through a column about being single. I might as well find love in front of my peers too.
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Blog, clothes, dress, Fashion, Humor, ModCloth, Necklace, Seejaneblab
So I ordered the below dress the other day from ModCloth:
So, you can imagine my excitement when I got back to school to find the package had come. I ripped it open practically giddy and found THIS.
Now, it may just be me, but does that look like what I ordered. Needless to say I was confused and disappointed.
To make matters worse I called to tell them about the mistake and was informed that they are now out of the original dress I ordered meaning that I can’t even get it at all now. I was going to look so cute in that with a nice pair of tights too.
Way to go ModCloth.
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Blog, Boys, date night, Embarrassment, funny, Humor, Jane, laugh, Permenant Third Wheel, Reach for the Stars, S Club 7, Seejaneblab, Single, The Post, video
So I made my normal summary of my weekly column for The Post video style. Check out the long text version here, or just watch the video summary below, if you know, you don’t feel like clicking a link.
I found out today that my column is the second highest viewed thing on The Post’s website.
How awesome is that? I think it just proves that me talking about all the embarrassing things I do either is relatable or frightens people so much they can’t look away. Either way I am a happy that me talking about walking into parking meters, not being able to get dates, and dancing around in my underpants is being used for good and not evil. Someone might as well take pleasure in my pain after all.
Anyhoooooo
While making the discraceful video about about what I do when I am alone on date night (see above), inspired by the below photo of me uh, well, I don’t know what the hell I was doing, I found out that I have seven S Club 7 songs on my Itunes. SEVEN.
That may be something to be ashamed of, but I have to say I was rather proud of myself. Who doesn’t want to listen to this when they are feeling a little sad face.
And now for my favorite segment of this post:
Embarrassing Moment of the Day:
I was sitting in class today before the lecture began and I decided it would be a good time to get on my phone and check my facebook. While reaching down to grab my bag I managed to knock my pen off my desk. Then in my excitement to try and catch the pen I knocked my binder off of my desk, and THEN to top it all off when I tried to reach down to get my binder, bag and pen I fell forward in my seat and practically broke the arm desk thing off. To top it all off I just happened to be surrounded by an entire legion of hot boys.
They all saw it.
SUCK.
<3 Keep Blabbing and REACH for the STARS as S Club 7 would say
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bleach, Blog, blondes, brunette, Humor, Jake, Jane, Love, peaches and creme, romance, Seejaneblab, The Bachelor, TV
I admit it, I have been watching The Bachelor. This season it is all about Jake the pilot, it is called “On the wings of love”. I am addicted to the show and that still makes me want to barf a little bit. I will admit that Jake is cute in a Ken and Barbie type way. Maybe that explains why he cut the last of the brunettes this week. With her, I must admit, went my last hopes that men really don’t prefer blondes.
Bye, bye Jessie. Don’t worry it wasn’t you he didn’t like, it was just your hair color.
To be honest, I am not really swept away by the bachelor this season anyway. He likes to refer to himself as “too perfect.” In my experience anyone who says they are too perfect normally mean they are too concieted. Plus, if he tells one more girl how “gorgeous,” she looks tonight I swear I will buy a bottle of hair bleach and hurl it at the next blonde I see.
Take that blondie!
To be real though, one of my best friends is blonde. I love her, I just don’t love the prejudice against brunettes. Come on Jake I swear that we are fun, and it takes way less of us to change a lightbulb.
Honestly though, I am sure he will look pretty dashing with one of the remaining ladies on his buff arm.
It is sad to admit that if I am still single when I hit 25 I am seriously considering trying to get on the show. Obviously I will have to do about 8 million crunches and only eat salad for about 15 months to get down to the size of the women they accept, but hey there will be plenty of time to pork up after the poor schmuck puts a ring on my finger.
Just kidding.
(As far as you know.)
I haven’t gotten a chance to make a video to sum up my column this week yet. But I will go ahead and link to it here. As many of you may have noticed there was no column last week because Martin Luther King Jr. stole all my glory. I guess he kind of deserves it though. I mean he did help an entire race of people gain the equality they deserve.
That’s all for tonight folks!
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: attack, Blog, boredom, Calamity Jane, chicken breasts, Doris Day, dream, entertainment, fire, french gang, Hawks, Humor, Jane, just for fun, Movie, nephew, Seejaneblab
I had the most in-depth dream last night. You want to know what it was about? Me, as Calamity Jane.
Does anybody remember that movie with Doris Day?
Yeah well I was here, all decked out in that fringed outfit and everything. My subconscious is frightening even to me.
It gets better though.
After I had relived the entire full-scale movie as Calamity and married my cowboy of a husband we were riding home after our wedding and we got attacked by a pack of killer hawks. HAWKS.
They came down and tried to scoop us right up.
Now at this point my family of me and the cowboy had expanded to include his 7 year old nephew and sister, they just came out of nowhere I tell you.
The hawks were most interested in me and the 7 year old. So while Cowboy was trying to save his little nephew I found safety in a small cave, alone. I obtained quite a few injuries from those stupid hawks too.
The next thing I remember cowboy bill was diving into my cave on fire, because you know, the hawks are able to spit fire now like dragons.
Obviously my dreams mirror real life.
I guess it could have been worse though, afterall my roommate Meghan had a dream I died thursday night. Apparently I got gunned down by some french gang. Don’t worry about her state of mind though, because after I was dead her dream self just headed over to Kroger to buy some nice chicken breasts for dinner. She rebounded quickly I guess.
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: angry eyebrows, banner, Blog, blog design, Cheers, Fun, Humor, Jane, Karen O, killer canaries, laugh, Seejaneblab
My blog layout is starting to frustrate me again. It’s just very hard to find a new one with a big enough header for me to design something to fit into it.
I think it is time for a new look though. Something I may tackle this weekend.
Should I design a new banner as well? I can’t decide.
Short little fun fact:
I accidently kicked a guy in class today. He stood up all of a sudden to leave class just as I was moving my leg and I kicked him. He did an awkward excuse me dance and I just stared at him. It was way too early in the morning anyway. I have a feeling I probably had my angry it’s early eyebrows on. Something like this:
I have been obsessively listening to Good Old War and Gossip lately. By obsessively I mean basically every second of every day. I have also been listening to The Jarts, a really awesome local band. sweeet.
I want to be in a rock band. Only problem is I don’t play an instrument. Is it even possible to just be a singer in a band? Cause I swear I have a good voice and I kind of look like Karen O if you squint your eyes. A little. Not really.
Damn.
<3 Keep blabbing
Jane
P.S. I have also accidently been signing lots of my emails lately as “J” instead of Jane. I have a feeling that people might think I am weird for this reason. The fact that I also signed the last 5 I sent as “Cheers, J” might also contribute to that fact. Cheers to what? Is this girl British?
I need a nap.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Humor, Seejaneblab, Blog, ads, snaggle tooth, horror, crazy eyes
For my graphics class I have to create a journal of advertisements that I like and don’t like. While doing this today I came across this gem and decided it was imperative that I share it.
How clever is that? A hat is the only difference between Hitler and Charlie Chaplin. I love it… just saying.
If I was to do a similar campaign except based upon myself because uh… I am a self-centered crazy lady (Just ask my roommate Meghan) it would look something like this:
The difference between normal people and Jane= a snaggle tooth and crazy eyes. Except I don’ have a snaggle tooth, or crazy eyes. Except my eyes are kind of crazy.
I have no point.
<3 Keep Blabbing
Jane
