For my magazine feature writing class we had to design a magazine. Mine is about online dating and the final page of the entire thing which I designed today is called “Once it’s on the Internet.” It is supposed to be a compilation of really embarrassing things that people have posted on their dating profiles. Because I have no life and like to imagine other people with no life I came up with these blurbs for the page.
I hope my teacher doesn’t find it offensive, but I think she has a pretty good sense of humor.
Here they are:
“I read, like, all the time. If you go into my bathroom you will see piles of books by the john. My favorite book to read while sitting on the throne is War and Peace. I figure if I crap enough, I’ll finish it eventually.”
“I only date guys who wear red boxer briefs. No other colors, only red. You can complain, but I’m hot and once you see me you will want to go buy some red boxer briefs so you can date me. It’s happened before.”
“If you want to impress me on the first date you should bring handcuffs. Some of the pink furry ones. They have to actually work though, none of those toy pieces of s***.”
“Hygiene will never be a problem. I shower once a week, every week. If that’s a problem because you like to conserve water than I can probably cut it down to once a month. That’s how much I’m willing to compromise.”
<3 Keep Blabbing and mail me handcuffs
Jane
