I hope my teacher doesn’t find it offensive, but I think she has a pretty good sense of humor.

Here they are:

“I read, like, all the time. If you go into my bathroom you will see piles of books by the john. My favorite book to read while sitting on the throne is War and Peace. I figure if I crap enough, I’ll finish it eventually.”

“I only date guys who wear red boxer briefs. No other colors, only red. You can complain, but I’m hot and once you see me you will want to go buy some red boxer briefs so you can date me. It’s happened before.”

“If you want to impress me on the first date you should bring handcuffs. Some of the pink furry ones. They have to actually work though, none of those toy pieces of s***.”

“Hygiene will never be a problem. I shower once a week, every week. If that’s a problem because you like to conserve water than I can probably cut it down to once a month. That’s how much I’m willing to compromise.”

<3 Keep Blabbing and mail me handcuffs

Jane

I can’t do it. Stop making me watch videos about Mexico and read really long documents about unhappiness and other things that require me to focus and respond.

I am a sucker for Young Adult Fantasy novels. Ahem. This books reminded me of old Tamera Pierce novels I used to love, except these novels were a little older and seemed to answer the question “What would you do if you had to choose: your life or the lives of innocent strangers?” I found this even more striking considering I know that Gladiators were actually faced with this question. In this book it’s even harder because the competitors are kids.

This book actually reminded me of something Margaret Atwood would write. It presented an image of what could happen to our society if cloning was taken to the next level. It’s actually a very beautiful book and I managed to appreciate it despite the fact that it didn’t have a ending that tied up like a perfect little package. Now I just need to go see the movie.

I am actually reading this book for class, but it is so good that I thought I would mention it. It concerns twins, which is a subject I always love to read about in books (see the post before about “Her Fearful Symmetry”) This books is actually deeper though, as Roy is a political activist and the book is a commentary on society.

And the book I WANT to read, whcih will probably get me through exams:

By the author of “Water for Elephants.”

Keep Blabbing and studying for exams <3

Jane

Conclusion: I am nerd.

I have to draw the line at some point though, and for me that point is token animals. During my first day in my African American Literature class our professor turned to the class and said something along the lines of “Ok everybody, we are going to go around the circle and each person will say their name and the names of the people in front of them, until we get all the way around and the last person says every single persons name.”

Now at this point I was ready to gouge my eyes out. I can barely remember my own name, let alone the names of 35 strangers. Nick, Erica, Tutti Frutti… they are all the same to me.  Unfortunately, I did not have a choice in the matter and was prepared to cry, but then, as is my luck, it got worse.

“Let’s make this a little more fun,” said my teacher. “Why don’t you say your name AND your totem animals.”

In lizzie mcguire fashion, my inner soul said at this point “What the f is a ‘token animal.’”

Luckily for me, teacher lady elaborated.

“The animal your soul associates with.”

This has got to be candid camera. Where are you Ashton? Am I being Punk’ed. CAUSE THIS CAN’T BE REAL LIFE.

Anyway, it was and teach proceeded to ask which way we should start the circle. I had happened to end up directly to the teachers right and I shot my hand up in the air like my ass was on fire and the raising my hand would result in a bucket of water being splashed on my derriere. Needless to say half the class laughed at me, but hey, better they laugh at me now then throw binders at me later when I call Nick, Stewie and Lacy, Tony.

The only thing I hadn’t thought of was that by raising my hand, I then had to go first. A problem considering I had never associated my soul with any animal before. So, what did I do?

I said my name and then the first animal that came to my mind.

A sheltie.

….

I should have gone last and braved the name remembering.

<3 Keep Blabbing

Jane

P.S. to add insult to injury I had to hear the rest of the class repeat my name and my totem animal for the rest of the class… Jane, Sheltie. Jane, Sheltie. Jane, Sheltie.

I figured I might as well share them with you and you can study with me by guessing an synonym for the word from my sentence.  Ugg, I feel like a brainiac who thinks everyone would enjoy guessing word meaning as much as her.

1. Margaret thought about becoming a hooker, but she decided not to abase herself in that way, even though she did need money to support her son, Carlisle.

2. Terry was abashed by the attention he received after his sister de-pants him, exposing his lace thong.

3. After Lulu got a tattoo of two naked molerat on her biceps it took hours for the pain to abate.

You know what, forget this. I’m not going to grad school.

Is this beginning to sound a little less like a hypothetical situation to you? Because it is. Not hypothetical I mean.

Enter “Blood Moon: The Fortune Teller” by Connie Laux.

(See stunning cover art below)

I did the deed, I read the entire book. And by book I mean the entire three part series. I feel so unclean.

These books probably wouldn’t have been so bad if I was 13, but I am 21 unfortunately and was understandably embarrassed to be reading this in public. I allowed myself a free pass though as I have read many other books this summer that were much less shameful. For the record, this book wouldn’t be so bad if I were younger, I probably would have loved it.

1. The Book of Lost Things by John Connelly—

This is an amazing book that I almost didn’t buy. Thanks to the shopgirl at Barnes and Nobles who stopped me and said “Don’t buy that book, it sucks. Buy this one instead,” I walked away with it.

This is basically a story about a young boy who loved dark fairy tales and his adventure in another land filled with perverted versions of childhood tales. It is like Grimms fairytales for adults who like their childhood a little bleak and violent. It was perfect for me as I like my Once upon a time tales with a bit of bite.

2. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger (Author of The Time Travellers Wife) —

This is a book about twins and fairly dark, but once again I am a sucker for that kind of thing. The relationship between the two girls is detailed so perfectly and I certainly wasn’t expected the ending. It’s perfect if you love London and cemeteries and Ouija boards, or if you, like me, just like to read about them.

3. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert—

I will admit, I found this book a bit slow. There were entire paragraphs that I sometimes just made a command decision not to read. BUT, overall the book was really good and very introspective. It certainly made me want to reevaluate my life and really center myself. It’s a good read if you are struggling with things in your life, or if you just want to feel better about yourself by reading about someone else who is struggling and then find balance. Plus it’s going to be a movie with Julia Roberts and spaghetti.

4. Old Magic by Marianne Curley:

I will admit this is my second (or third?) time reading this book. It is kind of for younger kids, but it’s such a nice story that I can’t be embarrassed about it. This is a fantasy novel, which I am a big sucker for. What can I say I like me some of dat Magik stuff.

5. The guernsey Literary Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Schaffer—

This book is mother approved. Seriously, my mom loved this book too. It is a book of letters and a very uplifting light read. It is set Post WWII and the book is about a small town during Nazi occupation. I find WWII incredibly interesting so that’s why I loved this book, plus there is a strong softspoken man in here who the heroine ends up with. I love strong softspoken men. Meow.

6. Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris—

I know, I know, the cover makes it look ridiculous but this is the series True Blood on HBO is based on and I’m addicted. I think this is something like the ninth novel in the series and I can’t help it, I HAVE TO KEEP READING. Pretty much every novel Sookie gets a new man, ends up almost dying and finds out more about her faerie powers. Bonus: Charlaine Harris is hilarious.

7. Julia’s Chocolates by Cathy Lamb—

This book begins with Julia leaving her wedding dress on a tree stump somewhere in the middle of the desert. This is a hilarious book, but it also has more to it than that. Julia had an abusive fiance and all of the other women in the novel are also trapped in some way, either by themselves or men. It certainly made me feel empowered and made me promise myself I would never, ever let a man treat me that way. Hellz, no!

Which brings us to my current read:

8. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson—

Honestly, so far this book is boring as s***, but I was told by a trustworthy source that the first forty pages are slow and after that it picks up. I am currently on page 36 and have high hopes of her not being wrong. The one main character is a journalist, which is enough to make me keep reading for now. Plus I want to meet the girl with the dragon tattoo, she sounds BAMF.

<3 Keep Blabbing and reading

Jane

Check this out:

I’m hott.

Seems like everybody is getting married these days. I have been to two weddings in the past month and then on top of that, there is the whole deal with C. Clinton tying the knot in a Vera Wang dress, which probably cost about the same as one year of my college education.

Besides making me weep at my pitiful single status over and over, and getting me bruises from tackling small children to retrieve bouquets, these weddings have gotten me thinking.

I am not ready to get married.

Here are the reasons:

1. I do not have a boyfriend. Despite my stunning column in the paper about my singledom I still have not managed to break the boyfriend barrier. That is not to say that I really care, boys are kind of annoying and time consuming. Plus sometimes they get in the way of my goals. I can wait to have a boyfriend until I find one that I find less annoying. Until then, I will keep saying Alveterzane (Edit: I’m an idiot and Aubrey brought this to my attention. Correction= Aufwierdesen) to the male species.

2. I am 21 years old and only recently have actually succeeded in taking care of myself. (Even yet, I still periodically fall at my mother’s feet and beg for her to take care of me. “Momma, mommaa please. I need you!”) Considering this, I seriously doubt I am ready to help care for a spouse, even if he helps care for me in return.

3. I am not over my young, free phase. I still like being able to do what I want without having to tell anybody what, why or when! If I want to go run around the block, fly to Antarctica and then play tennis with the pope than I can, and nobody can or would stop me. Except maybe the Pope’s security outfit and an AK47 bullet.

I could go on, but I think those first three reasons help you get the picture. I have enjoyed the weddings I have attended recently and I have some footage of what I have been up to over the past week-ish period of time that is just waiting for me to edit it.

I must return to work now. The news awaits.

<3 Keep Blabbing you little puke.

Jane

New vlog, check it:

I realized I didn’t have my camera on the highest video setting so hopefully the next video will be better quality. Or else I am returning it.

<3 Keep Blabbing

Jane

I am writing this post from Springfield, Ohio where I sit in my bedroom surrounded by debris that would be scattered if a 14 year old girl exploded. That’s right I am organizing my room for the first time since I was in middle school. An interesting occurrence considering I keep finding notes that my 7th grade self wrote. They normally go something like this:

“Oh my gosh. He looked at me today. Do you think he will ask me 2 dance at the dance 2night. I hope it’s to the new backstreets boy’s song. They understand me like no 1 else. Got 2 go, teachers staring at me and my gel pen is running out of ink! lylas”

Typical.

One thing I have also discovered from organizing my room is that I have enough books and cds to fill two large coffins. Maybe half of a third.

Don’t you think everything should be measured by coffin? I sure do. Like my shoe collection for example, 1.5 large coffins and my refrigerator? One rectangle shaped coffin. This is such a practical measurement.

Today I went to do a little comparison shopping for a camcorder. I love to make youtube videos, but I haven’t been doing it lately because I hate how bad quality the picture of my web cam is. So I have been shopping around for  an actual camcorder, trying to decide if I really have 260 big ones to drop right now. I probably don’t, but it’s an investment I would make for you. All 2.5 readers of this blog. That’s how much you mean to me. (And how much I mean to myself as I am tired of looking like I am a meth addict on camera when in reality I look very un-meth addicted indeed)

So should I buy it???????????

I’m looking at this baby right here. It’s a Sony Handyman camcorder with 4gb built in memory, 60x optical zoom and some other stuff I really have no idea what it means.

The picture is pretty BAMF which is all I really care about when it comes right down to it.

I must meditate on this purchase. and eat lunch cause my mom just called me…

<3 keep blabbing

Janeee

Anyway, this is a new “trailer” featuring him. It made me laugh out loud. So loud in fact that I fear my downstairs neighbor might have heard it. No doubt he already finds me strange enough as I blast things like Destiny’s Child and don’t venture out of my apartment for days at a time sometimes. (Ok that was only once, but whatever)

Check it:

He’s litttllee dancing MANNNNNNNNN.

<4 (just to mix it up) Keep Blabbing blabbermouth.

Jane

“It’s the fugees and funions. That’s what i think of.”